If I am not perfect, I am a failure. Feeling like you can't live up to something does not produce a happy person. The bright spot in my life is the circus. I remember when I first saw the clowns. I noticed right away how happy they were. Their faces were painted in frowns, but they exuded happiness. And I noticed when they stumbled, they hopped right back up laughing. Their clown friends laughed when they fell off their bicycle or dropped something. No one scolded them. There was no sign of disappointment on their painted faces. I fell in love with clowns during my first circus.My tears flow before he even starts. I am seventeen years old, about to be paddled by Father.I lay in wait, crying."Be smack a smack good smack girl smack. Be smack a smack good smack girl smack. Be smack a smack good smack girl smack."Father walks out of my bedroom, still tightly gripping the paddle. As soon as the door shuts, I roll over clutching my pillow sobbing.After my humiliating punishment, I head to. "Your hands," he said. "A real woman's index and ring fingers are usually the same length. Yours are not. Otherwise, I might have been fooled. It doesn't matter to me, Gina. It would not be the first time I have been with a pretty man dressed like a woman." I was completely unaware of this detail. "Sebastian, I don't usually have sexual relations with someone I just met. I really feel you are sincere when you said you are starving for female company. Today I am willing to do whatever you want to please you, as long as you don't try to hurt me." I would never do that, beautiful Gina," he said. He walked out of the room for a minute and returned with a bottle of lotion. He set the lotion down and took me into his arms and began kissing me on the lips and my neck, running his hands up and down my back and over my ass, squeezing my buttocks hard. Our tongues melted together when we kissed. He put his hand under my shorts and ran his fingers down my ass crack then began.
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